Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Care and Feeding of Editors (and Agent) -- Part 3


Editors were obviously tired. They didn’t emerge from their bedrooms until past nine or so. We all sat on the deck lounge chairs, staring rather blankly at the lake. Drinking coffee. Well, E2 drank coffee. E1 drinks no coffee, ever. She does do Diet Coke in the morning. Such a strange habit. I thought only southerners were that crazy. Of course I didn’t let on. I just kept fetching the Diet Cokes.

16. Hide all surprise at the quirkiness of Editors’ habits. (They’re sure to have a few real doozies.)

Hubby started breakfast—bacon and eggs. Editors suddenly looked more alive.

17. Repeat #s 5, 8, 10, and 14.

We ate outside again, not getting up from the table until nearly 12:00. Meanwhile Agent was in town, meeting with another author. We awaited his call to tell us he was done and ready for a boat ride. When he phoned, I said we were ready to head for the boat. We’d be at the Resort docks to pick him up in about 15 minutes. First I insisted Editors cover themselves in sunscreen, especially since both of them said they burned easily. I also leant them a visor and a hat. And one needed a pair of running socks. Finally we were ready.

18. Protect Editors from the elements at all costs. They’ll be easier to live with.

Editors settled into the open bow of our Cobalt, ready to catch all the wind they could get. Turned out they’d wait awhile. We hadn’t even made it out of the bay when we noticed another boat full of people—paddling. Hubby turned our boat in their direction. “Do you need help?” I called. Only then did I recognize them as neighbors we’d just met—and who had come to the launch party.

“Yes, please!” They needed a tow across the bay to their dock. Their engine had flooded.

We threw them a line and latched their boat to ours. Began a slow tug across the bay.

That’s when I noticed Editors up front in the bow becoming very animated. I eased toward them to find out what was going on. They were talking a mile a minute. They’d decided the people we were towing were really killers, and this was all a set-up. “As soon as we get to the dock they’re going to draw guns on us.” E1's voice pulsed with drama.

“No, no!” E2 waved her hands. “What they really want is a way to get into the house. They’ll steal a key from us, and come in tonight when we’re all asleep…”

I listened awhile longer, then nodded. “Hey, sounds good, keep it up. I’ll get myself a story out of this yet.”

19. Allow Editors to exercise their full creativity in book plotting. It makes them feel resourceful.

I walked to the back of the boat and called across the water to our tuggees, telling them what Editors were plotting. “They say this is a set-up, and you’re gonna kill us all! Now they’re figuring out how you’re gonna do it!”

Once they were safely on a dock, the tuggees shook her heads at us all. “You people are strange.”

E2 got a gleam in her eye. “Imagine the things we think up when we’re with romance authors.”

We finally made it to the Resort docks, where Agent patiently waited. Had to explain our rescue of neighbors-turned-murderers. But all was well. As planned, we tied up at the dock to give Editors some time to peek into the shops on Sherman Ave. Hubby and Agent chose to stay on the boat.

E1 wanted local charms for her bracelet. E2 wanted flipflops and a visor. Both wanted—food. We stopped into a coffee shop and bought some sandwiches.

20. Repeat #s 5, 8, 10, 14, and 17.

Purchases made, we were back on the boat in an hour. Off to tootle around the river and lake. After an hour or so of boating, we headed to a shadowy bay. Numerous boats were tied up there. We saw a cruiser in the distance, with a woman sitting on a chair up on the bow, reading. Another round of animation for Editors--and Agent. “Hey, bet she’s reading your book, Brandilyn!” Hubby pulled close, thinking he recognized them as some other neighbors, who had also been at the launch party. (Notice how everyone in town went to this party?) Hubby called out, “Hey, whatcha reading?” The woman's head jerked up, and she grinned. Held up the book. “What else?”

In her hand, a copy of Violet Dawn.

Editors and Agent squealed with delight.

21. Make sure Editors have “random spots” of people reading your novel. It makes them feel like maybe the publishing house really will make money off the thing.

By the time we were done boating, we had about an hour before meeting for dinner. Editors were paying, on Zondervan’s dime. Let me just say that dinner was the most delicious thing we'd eaten all weekend.

Which leads to the most important rule of all:

22. Never turn down a free meal from your Editor.


Unknown said...

This was very entertaining. Now, I'm probably going to be late for work. Ha.

Cindy Woodsmall said...

This is a hoot, in spite of the Diet Coke southern crack ;-)

I became so enthralled in the blog that I forgot to wake up my son on time to get ready for school. Great. Now he's grumpy at me and all I can do is chuckle--thinking of the blog. He's not amused.

Cheryl said...

lol. thanks for the chuckles.

Tina Helmuth said...

Great story, Brandilyn. With your sense of humor, do you ever have a boring day? If you do, you sure haven't let on.

Jason said...

My question is: have your editors read this yet, and what do they think about all the "feeding the editors" comments.

Anonymous said...

As for me, it's the straight stuff first thing in the morning. Regular full-on Coca Cola (no diet stuff), the real thing.
When my husband and I trained for years at the racetrack (Thorougbreds), I stopped every morning, rain, snow, or shine, at around 4:30 or 5 AM to get my coke with ice. Still do, only now it's not so early.
Speaking of Coke, it's almost impossible to find in Coeur d'Alene and northern Idaho. We went there in late June for a short vacation and had to drive all over the place to find one in the morning!! Had to settle for MacDonald's cokes which are more watery :-(.
Sorry, just had to throw that in.

Unknown said...

I'll probably have to pay my neighbors to read my book on their front porch. No boat, but I have extra pairs of waders. Do editors like fly-fishing?

Kristy Dykes said...

E2 got a gleam in her eye. “Imagine the things we think up when we’re with romance authors.”

K: Hahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha.

Southern-fried Fiction said...

I may be Georgia peach, but it's coffee all the way until lunch time. LOTS of coffee. :o)

You know, if I weren't a Christian, I'd swear Irma Bombeck had be reincarnated in Brandilyn.

Rebecca LuElla Miller said...

Hahah! You do not disappoint, Brandilyn. Funny from beginning to end, but also interesting to get this peek into editor-author-agent workings (or playings! ;-)

And I agree, an editor guest blog on the care and feeding of authors would be MOST entertaining!


Anonymous said...

E1 here...we are not amused!

Well, actually, we are. Compared to some comments from authors, this blog is quite flattering. E1 and E2 decided to go on a diet after this trip.

I don't have B's talent for writing humor, but I will attempt a guest blog next week. I'll be on vacation trying to recover from the hardships of this trip. By the way...the bear WILL make a guest appearance.