Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Insults With Class

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -- Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." -- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." -- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -- Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." -- Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -- Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... If you have one." -- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill...

...followed by Churchill's response: "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second, if there is one."

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -- Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." -- John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -- Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." -- Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -- Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy." -- Walter Kerr

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" -- Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -- Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -- Oscar Wilde

Lady Astor once remarked to Winston Churchill at a Dinner Party, "Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee!"

Winston replied, "Madam if I were your husband I would drink it!"


Nicole said...

These are priceless. Since I couldn't stand either Ernest Hemingway or William Faulkner's writing, I had to laugh at Faulkner's comment. (But I enjoyed Hemingway's stories [not the writing] better than Faulkner's by a long shot.)
Churchill is immensely clever.

SolShine7 said...

Some people get to be prom queen and some people get to come up with witty lines like these. And to those who get to do both, they're just too cool. :)

I agree with Nicole, Churchill is freaklishly clever.

Susanne said...

Talk about the backhanded compliment. These were great. I love Churchill's quick comebacks.

E said...

So are YOU having a good day? I saw your book on the end cap here in Rochester MN where I'm visiting. I needed a good friend sighting. Cynthia Ruchti came to have dinner with me, but that was days ago! Coral Moon made me smile. I recommended it to a browser.

Peg Phifer said...

Winston Churchill was the "master" of the Perfect Squelch.

Groucho was pretty quick-witted, too.

Priceless. Thanks, Brandilyn. Got my chuckles for the day. :)

Kelly Klepfer said...

Thanks. I needed some a dose of sarcasm.

Vennessa said...

Oh my! Loved them.