Rules, Rules, Rules -- "To Be" Verbs

Avoid using "to be" forms in narrative because they are weak verbs.

I do adhere to this rule whenever possible. As with using SAs or adverbs, when I write a sentence that contains "was" as the verb, I always give a hard look. Can it be written with a stronger verb? Many times the answer is yes.

Does this mean you should never use "was?" (Or "is" if you're writing in present tense.) Of course not. There will be times when you need to use it and it will read just fine. But as with our discussion of SAs and adverbs, I want to make you aware of your use of this verb. If you choose to use it, do so with purpose.

There are two forms of uses for "was." I suggest limiting your use of both of them. The first is as the verb itself: She was in darkness when she awoke. The second is as part of a past progressive verb--a verb that takes place over a period of time. She was lying in darkness when she awoke.

In the first form, you're simply left with a weaker verb. How you rewrite the sentence will depend on your own author's voice. I would write it like this: She awoke to darkness. That sentence now has no extra words and so gives a punchier effect. We are more able to feel the character's reaction to waking in the dark.

The second form, as defined, is about connoting passage of time. This is fine if you want to show passage of time. But in higher action scenes, a past progressive verb is going to slow things down.

Consider this opening for a novel:
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She was washing dishes when her world began to blur.

Chelsea Adams hitched in a breath. Her skin was pebbling. She was all too familiar with the dreaded sign. God was pushing a vision into her consciousness.

Black dots were crowding her sight. She dropped a plate. Its crack against the porcelain sink was loud. Her fingers were fumbling for the faucet. The hiss of water ceased.
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That's the opening to my novel Web of Lies--loaded with "was." Here's the real opening:
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She was washing dishes when her world began to blur.

Chelsea Adams hitched in a breath, her skin pebbling. She knew the dreaded sign all too well. God was pushing a vision into her consciousness.

Black dots crowded her sight. She dropped a plate, heard it crack against the porcelain sink. Her fingers fumbled for the faucet. The hiss of water ceased.
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You can still find two "was" verbs in there, both as part of a past progressive verb. Looking at the opening now, four years after writing it, I'd still leave those two past progressive verbs in. But I sure wouldn't want to load it up with "was" as I did above. Too repetitive. Weights the scene.

Being too quick to use "was" as a verb by itself is lazy writing. It's easier. But how much more effective the line may be if you find a different way of writing it. For example, take this opening:
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The noises were faint, fleeting.

Twelve-year-old Erin Willit opened her eyes to darkness lit only by the green night light near her closet door, and the faint glow of a streetlamp through her bedroom window. She felt her forehead wrinkle, the fingers of one hand curl, as she tried to discern what had awakened her.
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No doubt the above first sentence could be quickly written. And it does give the idea of vague noises. But it that the strongest the sentence can be? Does this sentence enhance the emotion and tone of the scene? Here's the actual opening sentence for Brink of Death:
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The noises, faint, fleeting, whispered into her consciousness like wraiths in the night.
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That line certainly took more time to write. And I played with it in editing before getting to the final version. But now, five years after writing that line, I wouldn't change a word.

Whenever you find yourself typing "was," I suggest you flag it. If you were to highlight all your "was" verbs in red, how much red would you see on the page? Can you find a stronger way to write these sentences--particularly those that use "was" as a verb by itself?

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Read Part 8