A Christmas Song of Political Correctness

In response to yesterday's post a BG emailed me with a story too long for a comment here. I'm running it today with his permission. Do sing loudly at your desks when you hit the lyrics.
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In my community we have a bed-and-breakfast inn full of charm--history, antiques, artwork, etc. About 2 years ago, right before Christmas, the inn was taken over by the state park system, to be managed in conjunction with our local state park.

I was in the Dollar Store checkout line one day behind two workers from the inn. They explained to the cashier that they were buying new Christmas decorations because the new management allowed no references to CHRISTMAS. They could decorate with snowmen, "happy holidays" signs, etc., but nothing even remotely alluding to CHRIST. They weren't even allowed to say "Merry Christmas" anymore.

As I left the store I ranted to God about how shameful it was that people were taking Christ out of His own birthday celebration. I prayed for Him to do something about the "PC" attitude at this particular business. A year later, a new manager arrived and was looking for community involvement. She first instituted a program where churches would decorate a particular area of the inn, complete with manger scenes, angels, etc.--as long as there was a sign identifying the sponsoring church. Then she found out that I was doing a musical as my youth Christmas play. It was called "Church Christmas Musical," and I wrote it as a spoof/tribute to "High School Musical." She invited me and my kids to perform our CHRISTIAN MUSICAL at the SECULAR INN. The message of Christ was woven throughout the play, and we didn't have to water down one word.

Even with the world's obsession with political correctness, God is still on the throne!

Before the happy ending to this story occurred, I wondered what would happen if political correctness continued to run rampant in our society. I began thinking of Christmas songs, primarily THE "Christmas Song (Chestnuts roasting . . . )." My mind began to wonder what that song would be like if the PC police got hold of it. I began singing. Before long I had the centerpiece of the play. I had been struggling with the theme, but, there in the car, I felt moved to write about the secularization of the season and about the utter silliness of it all. I actually sang the song during our play, and it was a big hit:


The Secular Alternative Politically Correct Holiday Song

(Sung to the tune of The Christmas Song)

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire,
Jack or Jill Frost nipping at your nose.
Secular songs being sung by culturally tolerant singers
Folk dressed up like native Alaskan-Americans.
A segment of the population knows some tofu and organic plants
Can help make the non-religious season bright
Tiny youth-oriented individuals with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep without Ambien tonight.

They know that a weight-challenged individual is on his or her way.
He or she has lots of environmentally-sound purchases on his or her sleigh. And every mother and/or father’s child is gonna spy
To see if reindeer were injured or harmed in any way trying to fly.

And so . . . I’m offering this non-offensive phrase
To individuals from one to an upper non-discriminatory number.
Although it’s been said not many times, not many ways
Merry secular alternative politically correct holiday to you.

Lyrics rewritten by Carlton W. Hughes © 2006
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Let's hear a Bravo for Carlton!