Now that the Christmas season is officially upon us, I present to you my wish list, taken from an original post I wrote four years ago, with updates. Some items haven't changed at all. Others definitely have. Anyone out there looking to send me a present, please feel free to select from one of these items:
1. New plastic packaging for CDs that a person can actually open. I would like to buy a CD, return to my car and not have to stab the thing, bite it, jab it with the car key, and generally make all manner of frustrated remarks about lack of user-friendliness.
Update: I rarely buy CDs anymore. Now it's iTunes. You can buy me a gift card there instead.2. Decent customer service at businesses. You know, simple things, like—when you arrive, they look at you? Acknowledge your existence? Instead of focusing only on the current top person in line for minute after minute, after five, after ten, pretending you are not there so they don’t have to worry about all the time you are waiting when you really could be doing something else because goodness knows, you have better things to do than—
Update: No change here. Bad customer service still brings out the ranter in me.
3. A national rule that all online stores must include a phone number. There are times in life when the computer freezes, or we mess up in online ordering, and just might like to talk to a real person.
Update: Ditto #2.
4. A new DNA “I love to clean my room” gene that automatically kicks in during teenage years.
Update: All our children are now out of the house. Amazing how rooms stay clean. (I trained my husband years ago. Or did he train me?...)
5. While we’re at it, another gene for the teenage years that makes one violently sick to the stomach the minute the cell phone call/text message limit has been exceeded.
Update: I gave up long ago on this one. Put the ever-texting daughter on a plan with me and bought unlimited texts and oodles of minutes. It's cheaper.
6. A face cream that really does take away wrinkles. Every blessed one of them. Forever.
Update: Are you kidding? Need this one now more than ever.
7. A million new loyal readers. Overnight shipping on this one, please.
Update: Make that 2 million. Inflation, and all that.
8. The need for only four hours’ sleep a night. That way, when my entire day is unproductive, I can still crank out the pages from two to six in the morning.
Update: If only ...
9. A body that simply will not gain weight, whatever nonsense I eat.
Update: Ditto #8.
And most of all . . .
10. A perfectly executed, all-the-reviewers-love-it, internationally best-selling masterpiece that writes itself.
Update: Ditto #8 & #9. Times 1000.
Dare I ask what lovely new item might be on your list?