Friday, May 06, 2005
Letter from a BG
Yay for Friday!
Dear Bloggees, even though we ended on a high note yesterday in our NES, do remember that the story’s only up to spring or 2002. A few things have happened since then, so NES will continue. And meanwhile my life and writing goes on, so there will continue to be interesting stuff to post.
For today, however, instead of proceeding with our NES, I wanted to post excerpts from a letter I received from a BG. This person had given me permission to use the email and will remain anonymous. Although we’ve covered this topic pretty well, I thought this letter may also help some readers out there. Here goes:
. . . I wanted to comment on your blog. The last few posts about spiritual warfare is so where I am at right now. [You wrote:] “Are you willing to give up that sense of “being no good” at writing? Are you really willing to renounce it and to claim the power I want to give you for doing the job I have called you to?”
That was like a slap in the face. I mean I have known that I've been under attack, but I guess I didn't realize that I allowed myself to wallow in it. Reading that post made me cry. I prayed the prayer you did. Also prayed "I believe, help me with my unbelief." Since reading it I have been reading and quoting all those Psalms you mentioned in the previous post.
I've been so desperate to finish my book, and I would believe that voice telling me I couldn't and even if I did it would be a terrible book. That I was just wasting my time and playing with this writing thing, etc. And the sad thing about listening to all that is I really do believe that I have a talent for writing. But all that unworthiness creeps in there. What's even sadder is God told me in a dream once, that I was a writer. Ok, don't laugh but in the dream I was talking in an instant messenger with God (I love my instant messengers, LOL) and God was typing all this stuff but I kept scrolling back up to read this one line and it said, "You're the writer you are given permission for freedom." Never was for sure what all of it meant. But I loved that 1. God said I was a writer and 2. that there was freedom involved.
I have had a few people praying about the attacks, but do you realize how many Christians don't even believe in that?? Now I don't think that everything bad that happens is an attack. I think once you have had an attack you can certainly recognize it the next time.
The attacks are on more than just the writing front. Satan has started attacking my friendships. And headaches. Oh my. I haven't had a migraine in 6 years. Had one on Thursday. Every day since then I have had tension headaches, bad ones. Now normally I would just think something was odd going on but with all the attacks, me getting close to doing what I believe God wants me to do, starting to believe in myself a little, etc, that is just to big of a coincidence.
Hope you all take encouragement from this person’s email. If you’re not having similar problems yourself, you might recognize them in a friend’s life and better know how to pray for that person.
Check back Monday, BGs. More’s a-comin’. Promise.