Monday, April 10, 2006
Serial Killer at Mount Hermon
This is a sad Monday, indeed, BGs.
There’s a serial killer on the loose at Mount Hermon.
This killer is bumping off all the chick lit authors. First body found was Kristin Billerbeck on Friday night. Beaten to death with a Prada purse with a lead pipe inside. (In the library.) She was found by James Rock. (This really is somebody’s name here. I cannot call him Jim, or I will die next.) James was chasing an editor and tripped over the body. Inspector Ingermanson was called to the scene. His sidekick, Rich Bullock, decided to pose as a romance author and intermingle with conferees.
The agents and editors signing up chick lit authors ran around the next day in a panic. Chip MacGregor offered a reward of $9.57 cents to find the killer. Do not ask me where this number came from. Steve Laube kicked in another forty-three cents.
Anybody ever think agents aren’t cheap?
Next night—another body. Meredith Efken. Suffocated with a dirty diaper. Reported by her roommate, Camy Tang, who found her in the bathtub. Inspector I. was totally frazzled. Who was doing this?
Steve Laube, Meredith’s agent, nearly came unglued. “Ah!” he cried. “Think of all the royalty cuts I’ll be missing!” He decided to kick in some more reward money. $5.32!
This left him with just enough money for an espresso in the morning.
Just tonight—the killer struck again. Poor, sweet, little Camy Tang. Injected with poisonous wasabi. She was discovered by her agent, Wendy Lawton, who was busily chatting with one of her dolls as she walked back to her room.
Ahh, me. Who could be killing off all these chick-litters? And why? Is it the agents? Is it the editors? Is it jealous wannabe authors? Is it Inspector Ingermanson?
Is it a poisonous spider? Heh-heh . . .
Please, somebody out there—help us!